even though i only have 66 posts in this journal, i've had it for almost a year.
i think i'm going to make a new one.
too much has happened. too many things that bring back too many bad memories.
yeah. i think i'm going to make a new one.

"Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"
"I like boys."

hahaha, david makes my day. (:

my trip was so fantastic. i especially had fun in epcot, with [edit]AMANDA, [/edit] adam, becca, kristen, gretchen, libby, ashley, nik, garrett, and morgan. after we got home, for a little while, everything seemed really bad. i kind of screwed up. but, i'm starting to get one very special person back in my life, and i couldn't be happier about it. i missed him so, so much. i want him back for certain. i don't want there to be any chance that it's going to suddenly go away. that he's going to go away.

my christmas was good. i have sooo many new clothes, and lots of money. most of it is for my trip. and it's all in my nintendo controller wallet! :D that thing makes me so fricken happy. ^__^

today is packing day. i started on saturday...but i have to completely start over to incorporate all my new stuff. i have to do laundry...PACK...and clean my room, so i don't come home to a disaster. >.<
i'm very excited for tomorrow. (: i need to print out pictures of me, kathryn, chelcee and emily for the door of our hotel room. :p they don't know i'm planning it. bahaha!
and, i can't wait to give brebre her present. (:

I'LL BE HOME ON THE SECOND!
probably won't post until a few days afterward. (:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! :D

I won't let you bring me down.
So maybe I messed up. Maybe I made a bigger deal out of it than needed to be made. But I called in the first place because I love you, because I care. It kills me that you're doing this to yourself.

I finally did it. I cut my hair. I've been carrying so much weight on my shoulders for the past week, especially, everything kept piling up. And now, after an entire month of planning, I finally did it. I missed my hair the way it was so many months ago, back in April. Really, I miss the way everything was back then. But maybe this could be the start of something new, something better, because last time it was.

I'm leaving here in six days. I can't wait to get out, and spend an entire week with Chelc, Emily, and Kathryn. I'm ready to get out of here, because I feel so...enclosed. I haven't had a totally free night all week. Yesterday, I didn't come home between 7, before school, and 10, after band. I need sleep.

just when i thought everything was starting to come together, everything's falling apart again.

today was a two-hour delay AND two-hour early release. so i only went to school for three hours. it was actually a good day. i went to friendly's with libby and david for our dinner this week, since none of us had money last week. we saw adam there and he talked to us for a little while. then we walked back to my house, and david and i walked through probably three feet of snow...while libby walked around, through the parking lot. i said i wanted to be adventurous. 8) we didn't really do anything once we got here, then we went to band. we went to the fairgrounds to practice for our parade. i sat with sara kray on the bus, it was fun. (: practice was crazy, we played the same song about 100 times and literally marched around in circles. and on the bus ride home, dan helped me with my theory homework. (: and i talked to addie on the phone!

tomorrow, i have winter guard. wednesday, i'm going to get my glasses fixed, i think. thursday, this whole band thing all over again. and friday, yayness! and night at bre's with people?

i'm feeling much better about myself, and everything in general, after last night.

you can't blame me for being mad. you can't.

the weekend went well. tomorrow i have to play at a hockey game for pep band, i guess. thursday, i think dave & i and possibly some other people are going ice skating. and sometime this weekend, i might hang out with sara and rachael.


i don't want all the seniors to graduate and go away to school. :(
there are so many people who i've gotten so close to...
and now they're going to leave. addie, beth, and ryan, especially.
but, yesterday, sara manno came home from school! <3
and she surprised everyone at dance. i missed her so, so much.
so when my friends go to school...it will make seeing them again so much better.

...i'm just so afraid of being left behind.

Yay, procrastination!
I like winter guard.
I hate gym. Especially the weight room.
I'm excited for Florida (3 weeks!!!).
I wish there were more hours in the day.
Band concert is tomorrow.
Bre's coming, and staying the night after. :)
Formal is on Saturday.
And then Kelsey is coming over after that.

I'm never going to make Top 25 this year if I don't do my global. Bye. :)

DAVID AND LIBBY ARE AT MY HOUSE. :D <3
and then we're going to bed. :*


EDIT: [9:21 pm]
lol. this was supposed to say, "and then we're going to band."
hahahaha.
oh, the irony!

the only positives about the snow today?
i didn't have to go to dance, because it was cancelle.d
i probably spent 2 hours on the phone with bre,
and i talked to dan for twenty minutes. :)

i'm looking forward to the next month. :D

So far, I like winter guard. I've learned two tosses in the past 24 hours. At first I was a little afraid, because Mackenzie hit me with a toss last year & I fell and broke my clarinet, but as it turns out, I'm pretty good at it. I practiced for maybe an hour at Kenny's house today, and then I came home and practiced for a good half hour. I'm starting to like it a lot.

Oh, and we leave for Florida in 27 days.
Huzzah! :D

because kelsey complains that her name is only tagged once in my journal, on her birthday, and i didn't even talk about her. :)


kkkkkkeeeeeelsey (9:46:57 PM): so i told him i was babysittign tomorrow and hes like what are you going to buy me and im like nothing i still need 100 for florida in 2 months and i got what are you buying me tomorrow when you go shopping at the crack of dawn and hes like ill bring back toca bell if your nice i was like thanks :-P
ambuhh (9:47:30 PM): d00d, boy who brings you taco bell!?! he pwns.
kkkkkeeeeelsey (9:48:12 PM): he probably wont im sure hes kidding
ambuhh (9:48:22 PM): what. a. tease.

i miss him so, so, so much. :(
i just want to be with him.

i have no idea what i want to do now.
thankfully, i've got enough going on to keep me busy.
but, dan might come over during thanksgiving break.
i promised him we'd watch drumline together a long time ago.
hopefully...this time, we can get something sorted out?

he's here right now. standing in my bedroom. playing guitar hero, as cute as ever.
i love him. <3
it's just weird that we're not together. it doesn't feel like we're together, but it doesn't feel like we're broken up, either.

things are getting a lot better. he and i are friends, i guess. we're hanging out tomorrow, hopefully i can get a few things cleared up?
the past few days have been pretty good. i've spent some much-needed time with britt & shelb, and with adam. yeah, it's been a good weekend.

last night? not really fun. well, it was really good and really awful. how this happens, i have no idea. honestly, i don't get it. i'm going to talk to him tomorrow, i think. i'm going to try to, at least.
it's so hard to not love him so suddenly. it just hurts so much.

i don't think i've ever had as many different varied emotions in a single day as i have today, honestly.
i'm glad i had such good friends who i know will always be there.
and it's good to hear them tell me that.
but it still hurts, so, so bad.